Being single over 40...

I originally wrote this “blog” a couple of years ago, but I updated it a little bit because I think its message is still just as important and relevant today for anyone who's single and struggling against “the norm”. I hope this makes you feel like you're not alone this Valentine's Day. -----

People assume there MUST be something wrong with you if you're single, especially if you're over 40. (Insert gasp here.) But I want to let you know that being single is a perfectly viable option!

These are just some of the comments I've received over the years:

1.”Your standards are too high” and/or “you're TOO picky.”

(These are the ones I get the most, which is why they top the list, and here's my response: I am actually happy with being single and refuse to lower my standards for anything less than I deserve. Why should I? Simply so I won't be alone? So, you're suggesting that I should settle for someone who is just “ok” instead? No thank-you. I would rather wait forever for an incredible connection with someone than say, “Ya, I guess you'll do!” That makes sense, right?)

2.”You need to love yourself first.”

(I'll try to keep the dirty jokes to myself, but I've been on my own since I was 18 years old and am a fairly confident woman. I actually love my own company, almost too much sometimes, to the point of practically being a hermit. It is BECAUSE I love myself so much that I don't settle for the so-called “crap that's left” and don't consider myself part of that group either; however, on a side note, yes, I do buy my batteries at Costco. And, what's your point?)

3. “You haven't dated enough” or “You're dating the same type of guy”.

(I lost count a long time ago, but I've probably gone on hundreds of dates since my teens and when I worked in bars in downtown Toronto. Oh, and I'm referring to actual “dates”, nothing dirty, so get your mind out of the gutter! I have also dated plenty of men in different cities/provinces, and they've been all different colours, shapes and sizes. My taste has definitely changed over the years and yes, I have my preference for the muscles, but that's not a priority, just a common interest in fitness. Actually since my divorce a few years ago, the only guy I really dated for more than a month had a braided beard, long hair, and beer belly! You never judge a book by it's cover.)

4. “You have to put yourself out there.”

(Working in the radio/tv biz for the past two decades, I've been able to go to tons of events, attended by thousands, and rub elbows with some pretty cool people. I've also tried online dating, speed dating, blind dates, awkward set-ups, and more! I've been engaged twice, then married and divorced once, and all of them almost killed me, so I'm not in a huge rush to do it again. But hey, I tried it!)

5. “You'll find them when you're no longer looking.”

(I get this one a lot too, but considering I haven't been “looking”, nor dated at ALL in at least a couple of years now, there goes that theory, unfortunately.)

6. “You just haven't met the right one.”

(This is a good one too. You think??!!)

But here's a question: what if I DON'T find “the one”? Does it matter? Should finding “the one” be more important than being happy with me? Should I give up the career, let love pay the bills, and just focus on finding “Mr. Right”? Once again, why?

I know some women, including my sister, did not feel complete until they were a wife and/or mother, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I was NEVER one of those women. I always believed I would eventually meet the love of my life and THEN I would want to have children with that person (only). I figured if I wanted children first, then I'd once again end up with an “ok, I guess you'll do” scenario and no thank-you!

My mother raised me to be very independent and never to rely on a man for anything. She encouraged me to dream big and go after my own aspirations, so marriage and children were not the top priorities for me. I'm not the only one either, since statistics show people are getting married later, if at all, and almost half (44.5%) of the population does NOT have children, but Ashley Madison is doing really well right? (That's because “I guess you'll do” wears off really quickly.)

As the saying goes, “I'd rather be single and happy, than married and miserable.” I know I am a good woman with a lot to offer, but only to the right person and then, I will give my whole heart, which is humongous! At the same time, I'm also very much ok with staying a sassy spinster too! In addition to being the Best Auntie Ever, which I do have in writing.

When I had low self-esteem in high school I usually went from boyfriend to boyfriend, but I've barely dated at all in the six years since my divorce. I am not attracted to many people, a little OCD, get bored easily, have a weird personality, and honestly don't know if I could be with the SAME person for the rest of my life, but is that so bad? Is that what's “wrong” with me? I don't think so, and have many single, incredibly talented female friends, who are the same. If only I was born a lesbian...

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I miss “companionship”, but that's also hard to find when there are so many men who think that means “friends with benefits”. Sorry, but that means we have to talk, hang out, become 'friends' first and I'm looking for more than just an appendage on my “ideal man” list. (“Oh right, I've stayed single for so long because I've just been saving myself for your manhood!” Not likely.)

*The most important thing I've learned over the past few years is nobody WANTS to end up alone, but you have to be okay with it if you do. You have to be okay if you don't find “him” or “her”, so then you won't settle for someone less, simply because you're afraid of ending up alone.

I agree there are quite a few people who are single and over 40 because they are damaged goods, and I've probably dated more than a few of them, but I was also raised by parents who showed me fairy tales really do come true (at least for some people)! They met and were married within three months of knowing each other, despite my father's engagement to a “nice British girl”, and have been married almost 48 years now. They are truly best friends who hate being away from each other. It's sickening, but they're proof “true love” exists, just like that crap in the movies. No, I haven't found it yet, but I certainly think it's worth waiting for and if I don't find a “life partner”, that's okay too!!! I always love me the most and think it's important to make your own happiness a priority, because life is simply too short.

My new motto is: “It's more important to find love 'in' your life, than 'the' love of your life.”

So, why am I single? Because I choose to be, not because no one chose me.

Happy Valentine's Day EVERYONE! 📷:)